I'm sure it could have gone another way, a completely different way, a way that hasn't ever come to mind but that's a given. One can never observe all the possibilities and still go on to the next. Sometime one just exits and enters again. I think I can agree with myself that it's not a matter of choice. You might think that agreeing is a kind of choice, even a blatant choice but that's not all you are interested in either. There's another determining factor and thats what we have to concentrate on, at least, I do. I agree, it is easy to get sidetracked. It is not even that there is a lot going on. We can assume there's something happening or not something happening. I don't know, perhaps its unfair to go on. Maybe we should take our minds off it, think about something else. Maybe it is not worth thinking about at all but that leads to other things just as problematic. Maybe it should be more complicated; we are looking at it too simply. Look, we don't have to consider all the possibilities but instead really complicate one, if thats what you want to do. I don't know, maybe it is my fault. I came unprepared. I'm not ready to be complex. I don't think thats the answer though. I don't think it is the answer that we are looking for. In certain ways thats probably obvious by now, even knowing that you are a little uneasy with it, and I am too. But I think it is a way I can work with now, and maybe you can, and maybe you can't. I mean I am thinking about that. There's a time involved here and it is yours and much as mine. I certainly don't want to threaten you time or make you have to feel decisive, yet I want you to be here. I mean I assume you are here but I don't want to back you into a corner and by the same token I don't want to start from that corner. That's a particular relationship I would like to put aside for now. I know this isn't free of bullshit. I mean I am coming from somewhat of a self-conscious place. It's a kind of stacking. I mean the ideas just pile up but aren't interwoven. They are not connected or disconnected. I cant see it - disembodied ideas being thrown against a wall. But that isn't fair; it isn't fair to me or you. That really kind of loads things down, and that isn't my intention. I can assure you of that. I want you to be with me. I mean you don't have to listen, just hear me out. I don't want you to be involved in deciphering anything but that's your prerogative and I don't want to get in your way. There's something that can be said for that and I hear you but I don't want to listen to it. I realize it's easy for one to say that I'm being ambiguous but I don't think so. I mean if you want to leave you can do that, or you can just turn off. I'm not trying to say that I am indifferent. I just think there is a way here. Maybe you really do here me and I am going on and on but we have to continue for some time. I mean I think that is part of it. It would be easy to stop at this point. It would be interesting and over and possibly boring but that isn't even the issue. It's important that we go on. This is the way that I think it has to be right now. If it wasn't this, it would be that and there is still this area we have to get through so that the this and the that won't become significant to this. I mean what I am talking about isn't important in that way that importance draws attention. You might think that this is a game of some sort but really, you have tried ways thats were adjacent to this one when you weren't thinking about the consequences. You may have even have heard this before in so many words but I want to go on. I'm not interested in this kind of talking. It has a purpose but it can get very sticky. I would rather settle with you, some way that is nonreversible; a way of being with you when it's the only way. When I arrived here I had no way of knowing that it would be this way. I thought a lot about it in the beginning. I tried different ways of thinking of you, what your response would be and that has to be considered now too. I've never lost sight of that; I don't there has been a loss of anything; it's just that I haven't been accumulating things for me or you. There's always time for a sense of urgency. I want to avoid that for now. I don't know though maybe you're waiting for that, waiting and listening.
AROUND & ABOUT - Gary Hill
